The Flaw that is the Twilight Saga

Hello...My book sucked, so I wrote a critique on Twilight. WARNING. Is twilight bashing. If you are a Twitard, do not read and do not flame :P jks...

The Flaws of Twilight
By: Someone

Venture further if you dare. This essay is not for the faint-hearted die hard twilight fans. This essay will be outlining the impossible vampire romance, and sappy plot that is the twilight saga. When I read the book, at first I thought it was okay, but as I read into it more, I saw just what poor writing it was. The characters were very undeveloped, the story line was dead, and it was just downright unrealistic. Personally, if I met a vampire, I don’t think I’d stick around to see if it was friendly. If I found out that same vampire watched me while I slept, I don’t think I’d open the window to let him in. I’d probably file a restraining order and leave the country. These are just major things that bothered me about Twilight. The series has earned many obsessed fans (twitards), and many haters (antis).
The first thing wrong with the story, was the characters. The character that bothered me most was Bella Swann. She is your typical high-school student. Divorced parents, stepdad, somewhat smart, average looks, BUT she comes to forks and magically every guy in school is lusting after her and her ‘beauty’ and she is smartest in all her classes. Oh, and she manages to catch the attention of a dead guy, who hasn’t liked anyone of his 108 years of life. It’s nearly like a really bad romance fan fiction. Now, all of a sudden, every vampire is after her blood because she smells oh-so-irresistible. When Stephanie Meyer developed Bella, she made it so she has no flaws! It says she is incredibly klutzy at the beginning of the book, but this fails to continue throughout.
Now that I’ve picked on Bella, let’s take a look at Edward shall we? Here’s a sum up: pale, sparkly, dead stalker. This is my actual opinion. Well, when he comes to forks, he gets every single female of the school population to fall for him. He likes none of them, no matter how great they were inside and out. Enter Bella; he suffers what I like to call ‘love at first sight syndrome’. Luckily for him, like every other girl on the planet, Bella loves him. Why wouldn’t she? He’s cold as a rock, hasn’t had a heartbeat for 90 years, has no friends, drinks blood, and let’s not forget ladies-he sparkles. This is what bothered me the most out of everything. He watched Bella while she slept, he stalked her daily so that she ‘stayed safe’, but this is what I actually found wrong about him. He sparkles. Who in the world would make a vampire sparkle in the sunlight? I don’t care how stereotypical this is, vampire are supposed to die in the sunlight, drink human blood, and shrivel up in the presence of garlic. This book is an insult to vampires all over the world. The shame…
Now that that’s over, I am going to briefly pick on the story line of every book. In Twilight…I don’t even think that there’s a climax. Nothing happens. The most exciting thing was when James (an ‘evil’ vampire) tried to suck Bella’s blood. I was enjoying this part until Edward showed up at a typical, precisely perfect time to save her. Then…they kiss and make up, and there’s a sappy prom scene to end the book. That is all that happened. Now, New Moon. To write another pointless book, what do you do? You send every twitard’s favorite character away. Edward leaves for Bella’s ‘safety’. She cries, months pass and she’s still all depressed. She knew this guy for how long? 5 months tops and she’s so blindly in love with him, ‘she can’t live without him’. Get a life. Anyways, at this point, Jacob Black comes into the story and falls in love with Bella. That’s right, another one. It turns out he is a werewolf. I was wondering when they would be dragged into the story…now, eventually she starts to hear Edward’s voice in her head. Now that’s just sad. Later, Edward thinks she dies and tries to commit suicide, she rushes to Italy to stop him, and the book is over.
Eclipse came next. I can’t even remember what this book was about, because it was worse than the first two. I do remember though, that the volturi (who are like the vampire ‘police’ according to Stephanie Mayer’s ingenious writing) want Bella’s heart to stop beating either by becoming a vampire, or dying. Because humans aren’t supposed to know about the existence of vampires, she is breaching a law. Edwards tries to protect her, and at some point in the novel, proposes. She, being eighteen, is a little underage in my opinion, but sure. When a hundred year old stalker is involved, why not? Breaking Dawn. They get married and go on a honeymoon to do honeymoon…stuff. I was quite surprised that Stephanie Meyer put this into a book that young girls read. Anyways, somehow Bella gets pregnant, and about one month later has a deformed vampire baby. She has to get turned into a vampire to save her life, so we now have a whole vampire family thing going on. The volturi attack, but they call all their vampire friends to help them out, and typically(due to the fact that she is a main character) instead of getting brutally beaten like she should, Bella manages to save them all with her new come ‘vampire specialty’.
When my brother told me that girls in his grade 6 class had read breaking dawn…I was disturbed. Nobody under the age of 13 should read that book, it’s just not appropriate. Meanwhile…10 year olds are finishing the book, and saying ‘ohh I want to be a vampire!’. It’s just horrible how much Twilight has managed to impact society. People are saying that Twilight gives young girls an unrealistic standard for men, and may cause a drop in birth rates in the future! When I read this I couldn’t help but laugh. That’s too funny. I suppose, despite my personal opinion, I would recommend this book to someone (over the age of 12) to read this series, I think it’s dreadful, but many people enjoyed it. The war between Twitards and Antis continues (though one day, the antis will prevail). This book has had the hugest impact on the literary world since Harry Potter. And for that, you have to give Stephanie Meyer some props .